How to be a 20-something writer.

1. Be single. If you’re not single, make sure you ditch Mr./Ms. Lovey Dovey right away. I hate to break it to you, but all that sappy stuff you write when you’re in a relationship just sucks.

2. Live in a tiny apartment that you can barely afford. Make sure there is no dishwasher. Having tons of dirty dishes will give you a pretty good reason to write. (Before you know it, with every visit to the kitchen, you’ll be saying to yourself: “By Toutatis, I’d rather start writing something than start cleaing this mountain of dishes”)

3. Have either depression, or SAD, or booze addiction, or OCD, or insomnia (any kind will do). Talk all the time about how this makes it SO difficult for you to write. It’s probably bullshit but being an artist is all about keeping up the badass appearance. If you don’t have any of these, start group meetings at your house for people with OCD anyway. At least one of them will be bothered enough by your dirty dishes to clean them.

4. Have a terrible diet. Tell yourself it’s good for your creativity. Eat only double cheeseburgers and chocolate. Or french fries and cake. Or pizza with smoked pancetta and potato chips. Order take-out all the fucking time.

5. Write.

You’re welcome!
XOXO,
The Sarcasm Society